Just Like a Dream

Dreams of unique success and fulfillment do not always come true.  Certain people will perceive such an outcome a deliberate denial of personal goals.  For them the quest must continue, even to the extent of blurring the line between the content of dreams while asleep, and being awake in the world as it is.  This can lead their soul into chimerical, or even quite false, areas of abstraction and association.

II.

Abby Graven is on her way to begin university studies in Michigan when the panic starts.  "My lungs seemed to malfunction ... I couldn't catch my breath". <1>  At campus, the fall colours suggest something apart from benign seasonal change to Abby.  "[T]he trees burned red. They surrounded the quad in a satanic circle."

A student in the arts, Abby is assigned an essay on Deleuze and Guattari's discussion of the dynamic between an orchid flower and a wasp.  The essay topic initiates a type of deep thought in Abby which made it "futile to wrangle language into such profundity", persuading her that "I'd lose my sanity if I kept trying."  She does not complete the essay.

The academic term goes on, and Abby's mental state continues to deteriorate.  She stays in her dorm after other students have left for the holidays.  On a winter night, Abby makes her way to a bridge over the Huron River.  "Then, the leap into the milieu. Like Deleuze, I felt the grip of gravity, that authority." <2>

III.

Elise Van Dijk has no knowledge of her former close friend Abby's struggles with depressive mental illness.  (Abby survived her plunge into the Huron River.)  She has been away in Hollywood, where her dreams of being an actress have more than come true:  Elise is now a glamorous, rising star in the film industry.  Meanwhile, Abby has moved back in with her parents after dropping out of university.  Her aspirations to be a visual artist have been reduced to making a hobby of her drawings.  

The occasion of a ten-year high school reunion brings Abby and Elise together again.  During their brief conversation, Elise extends Abby a friendly invitation to visit her in Los Angeles.  Abby wastes little time in flying to the city, and calls Elise from the airport.  " 'It's Abby Graven. Guess what: I'm in L.A.! I can't wait to see you.' "

Beautiful and successful, Elise is a person of continuing obsession for Abby.  Let us recall here Abby speaking of her "night visions" - her dreams.  "The walls around my dream life leaked. I'd wake ... having been yanked from a real place."  As the narrative arranges to have Elise in Abby's life again, we will see how Abby's perception of her dreams will influence what she means to make of them. 

IV. 

Lauren Acampora's language in The Paper Wasp is of powerful expressive effect.  I was eager to learn the next development in Abby Graven's story, and the compelling narrative as a whole.  The novel does not have the kind of conclusive ending some readers might be expecting, and is the stronger for it.  As a telling of the polarities of a damaged artistic soul, this is an unsettling book that conveys a sense of sadness as well.  Some dreams are most true as they are.

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<1>Acampora, Lauren. The Paper Wasp (2019). Grove Press.

<2>Gilles Deleuze (1925-1995) had health issues with his lungs that became increasingly debilitating over time. He committed suicide in November 1995.